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Archive for April, 2012

The more we get serious in our relationship, the more we should care about each other’s feelings. If we want the love to last, we must learn how to be unselfish and forget about being egoistic. Generally we are emotionally needy like all the “have’s” in a relationship. But sometimes being excessively in need will make us self-absorbed. We tend to expect more and when we reached on the unmet emotional needs, we get more of the negative feelings that shoot the blame to our partner. That must not be the case. It must’ve the sense of sensitivity at some point by expanding our understanding on our partner’s feeling as well.

When we love, we give all of our best to be appreciated and valued to the highest extent. But there are times when we still don’t get that feeling that will give us the sense of security especially the assurance of not to be abandoned. Yes, it is dreadful when you have loved someone but you still get deserted just because of how much you care about them. But life is all about adjustments and change. When we make our choice to be part of someone, expect to change.

Things won’t be the same before you commit yourself. Learn what makes the both of you hurt and try to complement in between. Recurring pain will destroy what you have founded even if that pain is just like the paper cut’s. But I tell you, when small things come up together, it is enough to cause your relationship fall apart just before you know it. It may be hard to make a change but it is worth a try.

All of us have the power to love more like nobody could have imagined. So if you really want your special person to be that someone whom you want to build magnificent castles in the air, then give him or her all that power so that there won’t be any reason for your partner fall back from loving you more.”

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He said,

“10 YEARS? HOW DID YOU DO IT?

For most people it seems to be so unbelievable! A total joke! A myth or a freak of nature.

But friends, believe it or not, we have been together – in a relationship – if there was Facebook 10 years ago.

Now the next big question how did we do it?

The “how” also came about not just after 2 years, nor 5 or 8 years, but also a decade.

Relationships didn’t come with a manual. And the academic me – structured and systematized – was having quite a difficult time understanding everything. What to do, how to do it, why such happens, and why not. Especially with women – understanding them is like being a 3 year old learning quantum physics by himself.

Generally, my main expectation before was simply that everything will go well in 5 years. (I’m sure you already know about the 5 year myth?) Going well meaning, you understand each other, less fights, and everything is just on the roll. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

There was still a lot of work to do! As in a lot!

Looking at memory lane, I realized this one truth. It’s a loooooooooooooooooong process.

People often tend to look at relationships as sprints. In their very first year they pump out everything they have – which is good – but bad if it dies down after that. Relationships are not like projects, start with objectives then finish in a few months. No, they are long – not sprints but marathons.

Relationships are marathons.

Long endurance marathon.

When I finally accepted this fact, that I will never get the ideal smooth relationship in just 5 years, I became more at ease.

So when we fail or stumble – we stand up – we still have a long way to go.

When things don’t go as we expected or go as we would have wanted – we stand still – we still have a long way to go.

Like marathons, it needs consistency, and of course, it needs to be enjoyed. Enjoyed every step of the way – we still have a long way to go.”

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One night when i asked my partner to write for my blog, i was so thrilled on what would it be about. So, here is it…

What is the very best thing that can ever happen to a relationship?

Live happily ever after?

Tour around the world together?

Have many dozens of kids and make it to Guinness?

Can be, but I’m still not convinced.

I have always been on the quest for getting the best relationship, simply because of the idea that we live only once, and so why not go and aim for it.

But as I take a look into this then will come this chain of thoughts that will lead to topics like compatibility, preferences, personalities, and thousands more. And as it always happen, too much thinking gets people stuck; analysis paralysis.

So what really is the best thing that can ever happen?

The answer dawned to me when she started making this blog. I have been sharing it to people and friends, most especially to teens who happen to be in my community or those in business. Not until one day, I got a text out of nowhere:

“Kuya Hanz, you know I admire the relationship you have. I admire the strength of your relationship.”

And then I remembered even one who said:

“10 years??? How did you do that??? I don’t believe in that anymore! Kuya, teach us!!!”

This praise has been so common to me. Yes, I feel very proud of it, especially when I get to tell them all about our love story, but the truth then came to slowly:

The best thing that can ever happen to a relationship is when your bond can inspire people.

Inspire people in ways that they too would seek to develop their relationship.

It starts a change. It starts people to consider and take a look into relationships not as something cultural or just another stage or trend, but take it as what it really is – the essence of being human – to love.

Our relationship, may not be perfect, we too had lots of ups and downs and yes break ups, but its not those things, but it’s greater in its whole aspect – the total experience. And sharing to the world that experience is such a privilege.

Honestly, When she asked me to write my part. As much as I want to let it all out, I just can’t – its too grand! I literally didn’t know where to start.

Well, I guess it’s best to start by telling everyone how proud I am of what Gail has started. This blog has kept our love even more on fire.

I hope that as this blog kept us on fire, may you catch it and let love spark in your life.

I can’t wait to write more about my part!

As you wish,

Boyfriend

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