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Archive for the ‘For Both’ Category

The more we get serious in our relationship, the more we should care about each other’s feelings. If we want the love to last, we must learn how to be unselfish and forget about being egoistic. Generally we are emotionally needy like all the “have’s” in a relationship. But sometimes being excessively in need will make us self-absorbed. We tend to expect more and when we reached on the unmet emotional needs, we get more of the negative feelings that shoot the blame to our partner. That must not be the case. It must’ve the sense of sensitivity at some point by expanding our understanding on our partner’s feeling as well.

When we love, we give all of our best to be appreciated and valued to the highest extent. But there are times when we still don’t get that feeling that will give us the sense of security especially the assurance of not to be abandoned. Yes, it is dreadful when you have loved someone but you still get deserted just because of how much you care about them. But life is all about adjustments and change. When we make our choice to be part of someone, expect to change.

Things won’t be the same before you commit yourself. Learn what makes the both of you hurt and try to complement in between. Recurring pain will destroy what you have founded even if that pain is just like the paper cut’s. But I tell you, when small things come up together, it is enough to cause your relationship fall apart just before you know it. It may be hard to make a change but it is worth a try.

All of us have the power to love more like nobody could have imagined. So if you really want your special person to be that someone whom you want to build magnificent castles in the air, then give him or her all that power so that there won’t be any reason for your partner fall back from loving you more.”

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One night when i asked my partner to write for my blog, i was so thrilled on what would it be about. So, here is it…

What is the very best thing that can ever happen to a relationship?

Live happily ever after?

Tour around the world together?

Have many dozens of kids and make it to Guinness?

Can be, but I’m still not convinced.

I have always been on the quest for getting the best relationship, simply because of the idea that we live only once, and so why not go and aim for it.

But as I take a look into this then will come this chain of thoughts that will lead to topics like compatibility, preferences, personalities, and thousands more. And as it always happen, too much thinking gets people stuck; analysis paralysis.

So what really is the best thing that can ever happen?

The answer dawned to me when she started making this blog. I have been sharing it to people and friends, most especially to teens who happen to be in my community or those in business. Not until one day, I got a text out of nowhere:

“Kuya Hanz, you know I admire the relationship you have. I admire the strength of your relationship.”

And then I remembered even one who said:

“10 years??? How did you do that??? I don’t believe in that anymore! Kuya, teach us!!!”

This praise has been so common to me. Yes, I feel very proud of it, especially when I get to tell them all about our love story, but the truth then came to slowly:

The best thing that can ever happen to a relationship is when your bond can inspire people.

Inspire people in ways that they too would seek to develop their relationship.

It starts a change. It starts people to consider and take a look into relationships not as something cultural or just another stage or trend, but take it as what it really is – the essence of being human – to love.

Our relationship, may not be perfect, we too had lots of ups and downs and yes break ups, but its not those things, but it’s greater in its whole aspect – the total experience. And sharing to the world that experience is such a privilege.

Honestly, When she asked me to write my part. As much as I want to let it all out, I just can’t – its too grand! I literally didn’t know where to start.

Well, I guess it’s best to start by telling everyone how proud I am of what Gail has started. This blog has kept our love even more on fire.

I hope that as this blog kept us on fire, may you catch it and let love spark in your life.

I can’t wait to write more about my part!

As you wish,

Boyfriend

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Sometimes I overlook the meaning of true love as I did try to seek it by character. But what I have come to realize is, it’s what you can do and what you have done to that person you truly love to make your relationship a truly loving one. Love never fails and it will never fail us. I only have one romantic relationship in my whole life but I fell in love million times and will fall again and again with the same person. I may not have the perfect relationship but God sent me the perfect person who showed me how to love an imperfect me. True love doesn’t go on the good looks and wealth of the person. It is how you feel when you are with him. It is also not all about the emotion, but most importantly how it is shown to you. As what we have known, action speaks louder than voice. When you love, just show it and let him feel. You will also feel it more than you have projected it.

For me, he is the most handsome guy and the most lovable person in my entire existence. Even if he has a lot, I mean tons of shortcomings, I never considered those as reasons to leave him nor cheat him. Even if how mad I am, even if he have crushed my heart so many times, it never crossed my mind to look for another boyfriend. That’s how I truly love him. I am patient with his mistakes though I have thrown nasty words on him but he also didn’t bother to make it a reason to doubt on me.  He is my kinda guy. =D Like any other relationships, we also had few attempts of breaking up, but  we always end up being together. That’s true love,it perseveres unconditionally.

If you want to ask what’s true love for me, well it believes in the word of God on love, be completely honest with each other, understanding the level of commitment truthfully, protecting each other sincerely, have faith and never doubt your hopes and most importantly, trust your relationship.

Certainly true love isn’t easy but,it will always worth all your fight. Once we find that true love, it can never be replaced by anything even the most expensive diamond ring.

 

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Remembering the first few months with him is gratifying. It is still in my nerves all the giggles of our small talks with all the ‘knowing more each other’ stage. Everything was so innocent and new with him around and all our first time’s are just so lovely to feel them again and again. We were so young then that we were only thinking of exchanging sms and talking late in the phone ( like i really mean when the roaster calls).  Our first few days, weeks, months and years made us last this long which i can fairly say strong.. and is getting even stronger and will be getting even better and better. That’s how i believe in us.

Like in any other long distance relationship, i have my struggles. It cannot be denied that sometimes we can think of unacceptable decision like getting even with our partners if they have done wrong that have hurt us. I too sometimes think of that, but i chose not to as it isn’t the true sense of fair play. But what i do instead is that i engage myself in going back our memories, both the happy and the not quiet happy… I can really attest to the fact that the amount of happiness and laughter can certainly kill a deadly wound. A popular thought of counting the happiness than the pain is indeed very effective to smear our clouded thoughts and judgments from being hurt.  Once it is stained with the great memories, certainly you will feel more delighted to be in your relationship if it is worth the stay. Every time i feel down not hearing anything from him, i only think of how we met, the first time we held hands, the first time we prayed, the first time we ate in a fancy restaurant, and so on. The butterflies in my tummy are more reactive as i get myself to visit our past.

They say leave the past behind. But i think, GREAT PAST is not worth the LEAVING.

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The toughest challenge in my relationship today is communication. I don’t share the same time zone with him and it’s like one hell of a crap! But no matter how hard to make the adjustment and accept the fact that we don’t share the same free time, we still managed to communicate offline. ~wink

Learning all the means to communicate is vital to express our needs, feelings and desires brightly. It may not have all the emotion you wanted to express but it still pays the effort. You can just simply add some smileys and all. Like this one =D

What we really want in every conversation is the quality of it. To stay longer in a relationship, we must know how to give support, praises and continuous encouragement to our partner and vice versa. Me and my partner also make it a daily habit of saying “I love you” in so many means. You should never hesitate to show and express your love coz the more you tell it to the world, the more it will come back to you. Even if how simple your ways are, it would surely make a big difference in your relationship. I have my simple ways in showing how I love him like giving him a touch of massage, a rub on his back-which he really loves, trimming his nails, cleaning his ears etc. And in return, he loves holding my hand. I can attest to that, really. Even if it is hard for us to hold hands, he doesn’t care. As long as he can grab mine by all means. I think that’s part of his reflex already, the moment he sees me he will automatically grab my hand. hahaha

No matter what you and your partner do, as long you two tell how much you care for each other then that’s the only thing matters.

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I can say that my relationship has so much success. Me and my partner have very different roles but we see ourselves as often equal. We always take each view’s highly valuable or won’t compete with our interest as more important than the other. Also, we always make it definite that we are making fundamental contribution to our relationship and must know where we stand. That’s how we deal with the dominance thingy.

It is flattering everytime my partner asks for my opinion(oh he really does..like frequently). I feel more valued more than anything else and it shows that he really believes and trusts my views. Well likewise, I do believe in him as well especially in rationalizing my impeccable judgments sometimes. He is my second best counselor next to my family.  That’s one of his roles, the counselor. And one of mine is his psychologist. Once he said that i am the pscyhologist of a psychologist-he is a psych grad so that’s why.

Making a joint decision on big issues will bring out all the creative solutions and you will learn how to compromise. Like for me, When we love to go somewhere, I always do the planning and he will intervene. Though sometimes he takes my role and I take his. I must admit that he is more creative than I am..~ sigh! So i make it to the point that i will just do the planning. hehe It’s like I am the compass and he is the captain. So basically, we are better together than being apart.

It feels so good when you know your role. You get to develop your strength that might be the weakness of your partner and vice versa. Just imagine how you both put back the missing puzzle in your lives and that being together completes the perfect picture. And that’s what we have right now. A complete movie picture!

 

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It is inevitable that somewhere at anytime in a relationship, we give less attention to it after having the strong commitment. We even tend to neglect each other while focusing on our personal duty or on our individual activities. But even if we have outside interests from our partners, a strong relationship will keep the both parties make their own commitment making each other on top priority list.

Honoring commitment starts with the acceptance of having a good relationship which takes a lot of work and effort. Expect to have bad situations along the road, it is so typical. As long as you are open for compromise and adjustment, it won’t ever make you vulnerable. The catch of every tough times is to accept the rough patches. Forget the thought of pretending it didn’t happen and it didn’t make any difference coz one day it will. Better yet give all what the two of you got to solve each problem together before the sun sets and tell him you love him regardless of all the annoyance.

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